I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Shitshow foam night was such a success
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
