Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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