Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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