I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
