Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
