the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
