We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
