new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
