i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
