I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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