Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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