I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
