Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
