I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
