I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I believe in your delicious
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
