Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
