she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
