It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
