is your mom at the bar?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
