Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
