Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
