Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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