either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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