I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
