thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
