so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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