i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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