FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It was confusing and full of hummus
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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