People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
