Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
