Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
