Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
