dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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