So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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