please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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