Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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