We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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