id be glad to
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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