is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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