Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Girls should come with a carfax report
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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