I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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