I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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