A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
