As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
