In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The ass gains better be worth it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
