Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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