Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
