i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
