in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
