Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
